liextoxpurify

so i met my sister and it's opened up a pandora's fucking box of bullshit my god. can nothing go right lately? i keep saying oh it's just a bad day, bad week, bad month or two...BUT maybe this is it, this is normal and then when i have a good day...whenever that's gonna be...i can fucking treasure it.

god have i done it this time! i'm in debt over my eyeballs. but not as bad as i thought. my trick is to keep pushing my debt somewhere else. I just paid $700 in bills because tmobile and bank of america decided to FUCK ME, really badly. i have $80 in my bank account now. woop woop!! i just took out a $10,000 loan on top of the other $18,000 i already have on loan from the feds. so my plan is to use the $10,000 for the remainder of my tuition which is $3000 then using the other $7000 to pay off my dreaded bank of america credit card. IS THIS A GOOD IDEA OR AM I FUCKING UP?? i mean really anyone that knows anything about this shit should tell me cause i know nothing. i make about $400 a month at my job now so it'll be impossible to pay the $400 credit card minimum AND my $60 phone bill. along with gas and all that crap.

oh and it's mmy mom's bday tomorrow...dinner/cake/presents ! this should be interesting. i'll be living in a cardboard box next week.

so it begins...now the half siblings are popping up wanting to 'help' my dad and at first i was like wow that's fantastic but now i feel there might be ulterior motive (i.e. $$$)

i love how they think that continuing not wanting to meet me or my mom is gonna work in this situation when we've been his family for the past 25 years. they think they're just gonna come back and take over or something? they haven't even seen him since they were kids.

i'm so confused with all this it's such a strange stupid situation. his ex wife is friends with my aunt in texas. even though his ex showed up at my grandfather's funeral (22 years ago)and made a disgusting scene there. how do you stay friends with someone who does that at your father's funeral? so my half siblings kept in touch with marie. and they get mad at any mention of my name. meanwhile marie talks about them to me all the fucking time. i don't know if i even want to know them now. they're all in their 30's and still bitter. for some strange reason they think my dad cheated on their mom with my mom meanwhile they were already separated by the time they were going out and very much divorced by the time i was born. they still want him back. and let me be the first to tell you he's not the greatest father ever. i mean don't divorces happen every day? is it something to stay bitter about your whole lives? god. their mother is a fucking nutjob and raised them like that.

stupid irish people.

well my dad's finally going to an oncologist tomorrow, a year after he should've. i dunno what to expect. at least it's with a sloane kettering doctor.

these next few months are going to be very dramatic.

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF I AM BREAKING OUT LIKE A PUBERTY STRUCK 13 YEAR OLD THAT BATHES IN FUCKING PIZZA GREASE. WHY WHY WHY!!! LIKE THE BRACES AREN'T BAD ENOUGH! OR THE WEIGHT I'VE PUT ON! NOW I NEED ZITS TOO RIGHT TO COMPLETE THE GODDAMN PICTURE HUH!

anyone know a good dermatologist? this is ridiculous!

mike's getting grey hairs, and i'm getting pimples. maybe i'll just eventually regress into a 2 year old.

so far what has happened today:

called LIU, told i'm not registered or have financial aid
called my advisor and left a message
called phoenix house, planned parenthood, and inwood house for an internship...no idea if i'll get that
called lehman 4 times. at least. the last time was the best...here's how it went:

lehman: good morning lehman high school
me: hi, guidance office please
(me on hold for 7 minutes)
lehman: (same person) good morning lehman high school
me: uhh, guidance office please?
lehman: ok hold on
(on hold for about 5 minutes)
lehman: who are you on hold for?
me: guidance office
(on hold for another 7-10 minutes)
lehman: good morning lehman high school
me: STILL TRYING TO REACH THE GUIDANCE OFFICE
lehman: ::big sigh:: hold on
(one minute of waiting)
lehman: they're in a meeting call back later ::click::

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK it's like the girl from 50 first dates!!!!!!

so after that i gave up. i guess i'll call back later. i also have to figure out what classes to go to tonight since I DON'T HAVE A SCHEDULE BUT NEED TO GO TO CLASS STILL!!!!

MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES I HATE LIU, I HATE LEHMAN, I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED.

so my plans are:
-get my advisor on the phone and make her register me
-call up fafsa and figure out if i get any money
-call lehman at some point and hopefully get someone with more brain cells
-go to school maybe!!! NOVEL IDEA! god i have like 5 hours to do all this.

=(

so i'm not registered even though i registered, and since i'm not registered i didn't receive financial aid and it might be past the 30 days i had to register to get financial aid. i want to cry. really bad. if i don't get financial aid i cannot go to school period. so i'm not registered, i don't have financial aid, AND i can't find an internship. this is fucking fantastic!!!

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn
What is yo name?
Yo gangsta name be	Platinum Ringa
You ride around in a	Huffy Sun Catcher (Ride that bicycle, fool)
Yo gang	Tha Vanilla Icers
Yo shoes be	White high-top Air Force 1s
Yo dubs be dis big, fool	323
How much money you got?	$3.4518098513544e+26
How gangsta are you, bitch?: 86%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

that's right!! 86% gangsta bitches! and i got 3 whole billz!! DOLLAR BILLS! sweet.

Which Laguna Beach Girl Are You and Who is Your Laguna Beach Guy? by stateofgrace98
Name
Where would you rather be right now?	The beachA poolShoppingwatching tvhooking up
Whats your favorite phrase from the show?	STEEEEEPHAAAAAAANHook updunzo
Which accessory can you not live without?	Your BoyA hatA Pair of SunglassesEaringsYour Purse
You are
And your Boy is
Quiz created with MemeGen!

hotttt

Who is ur Laguna Beach BFF?[PICS!!] by skeight4evr11
Name
Favorite Hobby
Favorite Color
BFF
Quiz created with MemeGen!

still hottt

my dad has cancer. a 1 centimeter tumor in his lung, 4 cm tumor in his liver, and a tumor in his colon.

i know nothing specifically about cancer or the medical field but i'm assuming this is pretty bad. he says it's treatable. problem is he lost his job a week ago and his medical insurance will cease to exist in thirty days.

he's optimistic which is good.

i feel bad, not only cause we don't have a any sort of relationship, but cause he's had a pretty sad life. i mean it was his own making, but still. it's sad that he doesn't see his other kids or grandkids, lives alone, lived in war torn ireland and saw too much death, etc. it's sad he's never really told anyone, me most importantly, about really anything in his life. i know nothing about him except that he's from ireland. oh and that he has cancer. him telling me about his cancer was the most i've heard from him in....forever i guess.

so i dunno how i feel. sad and angry would be the top two choices. sad cause it's just sad, angry cause he's never tried to be a dad. i want to be optimistic but it's just not working at all.

www.sarahjanedonohue.com

read that story! what a fucked up world.

wild spirits keeps calling me, they want me to pay for more equipment probably....so should i call back....or just pretend i fell off the face of the earth?

POOR VICTORIA GOTTI! MY HEART IS FUCKING BLEEDING FOR HER REALLY. her and her breast cancer and heart problems and miscarriages, FUCK HER. i don't even want to hear about her. i can't believe they gave her and her stupid sons a fucking show none the less! we are talking about a killer's daughter! IS EVERYONE INSANE? do you know how many people her father and brother and whole family have ordered killed if not killed themselves? do you know what heartless pieces of shit they are? i bet her father took away a lot of husbands from their families maybe even mothers too...but we're supposed to pity her stupid ass? and she has the nerve to say she draws her strength from her father who soldiered on in solitary confinement with throat cancer. what is wrong with this country! making crime family, blood money, rich fools into teen hearthrobs ::barf::

oh and then here are some more prizes...so some kids go joyriding while high and drunk and crash into a fucking tree. am i heartbroken? no. how fucking stupid can you be. i feel bad for the parents who might just now be realizing they should've paid more attention to their stupid kids. not to mention the rumor i heard of the driver being the one that killed the swans over by edgewater (by kicking them and then stomping them and slitting their throats....these kind gentle birds that have been there since i could see, that probably thought they were being fed but instead were slaughtered, WHO DOES THIS?). now mind you it's a rumor, but if it's true...GOOD RIDDANCE TO HIM! he deserves whatever happens....not to mention killing the other people in the car with him. however there were 10 others standing there watching him kill those swans....gee wonder if there's a chance these are the same people. NATURAL SELECTION FUCKERS THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! cleansing the earth of you psycho and sociopaths. give all these idiots cars, liquor and weed, close the highway down for a night and let them go to fucking town!

yeah i'm being a dick. but seriously, after having my life flash before my eyes and having my car totaled by a drunk driver almost 4 years ago...i have noooooo remorse for them.

DID I MENTION I HATE THE FUCKING BRONX?

read this:

http://65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.htm

awesome show. it's on TLC. mini-marathon type thing of it on now. WATCH IT.

oh man last night was so much fun. thank you for finally getting me to go back to dna nina lol...and tell dimitri he is awesome for picking us up haha.

and i don't have a hangover which is AWESOME!!

I'm here. Wowww. Went to florida and that was cool. (Sorry I didn't visit christina, I'll give you a place to crash if you decide to come to ny though) I actually went on rides. Wow. Got to hear weird noises from the other room....LOL. ;)

I'm done working at wild spirits pretty much. Woooo. Too much drama there.

Oh hold on someone's reading over my shoulder...hi I can see you!

Ugh. ANYWAY...school job is suuucckking dirrty sweaty balls this week. I have been up since 5 in the AM!! Fucking siiiccck. I hate this job. AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Yeah I'm still fucking stressed. Gotta figure out financial aid...get a recommendation and find 2 internships...not one....TWO.

DID I SAY HOW MUCH I HATE MY JOB BECAUSE I DO...REALLY. I WANT TO GOUGE MY EYES OUT WITH A PENCIL. FUUUUUuck.








Anyway...doherty's tonight...be there or be home watching tv on a friday night like a loser.

Stopped over in DC last night and sightsaw today haha. We couldn't see the white house. Fucking terror alert. Or fucking terror period.

Anyway I'm off from driving today so I can play on the sidekick, game boy, watch aqua teen on the laptop. I am set. Minus the traffic we're hitting now in richmond.

No good cds to listen to either. We killed thrice and the killers and the bravery.

And now I shall nap. See ya.

ok now i can do a real update. i am sitting in this fluorescent hell known as work. it is about 60 degrees in the office which i would love if i didn't come to work in a tank top and shorts expecting it to be roasting like it usually is. so now i am cold, i have a headache and i just want to sleep before my excursion tomorrow.

+ i had shitty school food because i was starving. and i didn't want to eat bad food this week but i've fucked it up all week anyway haha.

i'm really getting fat. this is just plain silly! me + the word "FAT" should never have to be used together. i have no urge to work out during the summer though. and i also have a greater tendency to eat shitty food in summer...because BBQ is much easier than stir fry. and chips and salsa are way better than salads. and of course, summer would not be summer with out some alcohol. so i gotta start running again when i get back from florida. who's down!! 1 mile a day!

i feel like passing out. oh and i have no money in my bank account for florida. this is fantastic. i'm also super stressed out. i'm ready to kill the next self-centered jerk i come across because i seem to be a magnet for them. boy am i stupid to have been so naive to call some people friends. from now on, only reciprocal relationships will be formed. i do for you what you do for me. you don't call me, i won't call you. you want a favor, do me one. you talk shit behind my back, i will talk just as much shit behind yours. it's amazingly simple how this system works! if only i would've put it into play sooner.

so there's that and the fact that i'm at these shitty jobs still. ugh.

all i want to do right now is watch finding nemo and take a nap haha. how gay but really that's what i want to do. so there's my venting hope you enjoyed.

yeah i'm gonna make an entry.

so tomorrow i leave for orlando florida....DRIVING. this is going to be crazy fun!! we're gonna stop in DC and NC. and on the way back we'll stop in NC and ocean city.

yay!

ok yeah nothing else going on adios.

i'm doing a research project on pregnant teens in high school...i'm coming up with a group therapy, daycare, family planning thing that could work in schools and i might like to try it when i get into a school.

but i never knew how bad it was for teens til i started talking to them. some schools push them out and send them to these night schools, others just don't go back because they're scared to, and most just feel they can't have an education when they get pregnant.

so this is shitty and it should change and i'm not going to be naive enough thinking i can change the board of education...but i am ambitious/optimistic/naive enough to think i can try to start something in one school.

so for the new few years this will be the main focus of what i'd like to attempt:

-create a support system in the school for pregnant teens so that they know exactly where to go for help
-group therapy for pregnant teens, where they can support eachother.
-daycare within the school, offering health/science credit to pregnant teens who help out at the daycare (learning to care for babies AND still using it towards a diploma)
-Career/Family planning....teenagers can't get jobs as it is let alone getting one pregnant.

i would love to talk to the principal at lehman and see what he thinks of it. just to get a principal's opinion. then again it might be better to get a female principal's perspective.

i mean isn't it silly that they say "if you get pregnant, it's likely you won't finish school" when they don't offer any reason for you to even try to stay in school!

ugh.

the only problem is the daycare part....there could very well be a whole lot of babies to take care of, and what school is going to want to pay for that?

So the research begins!

oh man so i jinxed myself. my one day off has now turned into HELL WEEKEND PART DEUX!

yep wild spirits starting tonight through early sunday morning. see ya 6am sunday.

so my mike is in boston flying around setting up computers. and i'm waiting impatiently for him to call. (i'm scared of planes)

but anyway who wants to do something tonight??? i'm thinking paddy doherty's. i need some food and car bombs and whatever. it's really hot today as well so we can come back to tahiti (my backyard's new name) and go swimming.

this is my first day off in i don't know how long. i have absolutely NOTHING to do. tomorrow sucks though cause i gotta work all day and night i found out. GAY! it's kait's graduation, ronny's bday party and erin's dance recital and i have to miss all three!! =( me is sad.

anyhoo i'm gonna go sit outside since my house is boiling.

adios.

batmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
batmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh
batmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
batmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

fucking phenomenal movie! i lurrrvvveess it!