liextoxpurify

so i met my sister and it's opened up a pandora's fucking box of bullshit my god. can nothing go right lately? i keep saying oh it's just a bad day, bad week, bad month or two...BUT maybe this is it, this is normal and then when i have a good day...whenever that's gonna be...i can fucking treasure it.

god have i done it this time! i'm in debt over my eyeballs. but not as bad as i thought. my trick is to keep pushing my debt somewhere else. I just paid $700 in bills because tmobile and bank of america decided to FUCK ME, really badly. i have $80 in my bank account now. woop woop!! i just took out a $10,000 loan on top of the other $18,000 i already have on loan from the feds. so my plan is to use the $10,000 for the remainder of my tuition which is $3000 then using the other $7000 to pay off my dreaded bank of america credit card. IS THIS A GOOD IDEA OR AM I FUCKING UP?? i mean really anyone that knows anything about this shit should tell me cause i know nothing. i make about $400 a month at my job now so it'll be impossible to pay the $400 credit card minimum AND my $60 phone bill. along with gas and all that crap.

oh and it's mmy mom's bday tomorrow...dinner/cake/presents ! this should be interesting. i'll be living in a cardboard box next week.

so it begins...now the half siblings are popping up wanting to 'help' my dad and at first i was like wow that's fantastic but now i feel there might be ulterior motive (i.e. $$$)

i love how they think that continuing not wanting to meet me or my mom is gonna work in this situation when we've been his family for the past 25 years. they think they're just gonna come back and take over or something? they haven't even seen him since they were kids.

i'm so confused with all this it's such a strange stupid situation. his ex wife is friends with my aunt in texas. even though his ex showed up at my grandfather's funeral (22 years ago)and made a disgusting scene there. how do you stay friends with someone who does that at your father's funeral? so my half siblings kept in touch with marie. and they get mad at any mention of my name. meanwhile marie talks about them to me all the fucking time. i don't know if i even want to know them now. they're all in their 30's and still bitter. for some strange reason they think my dad cheated on their mom with my mom meanwhile they were already separated by the time they were going out and very much divorced by the time i was born. they still want him back. and let me be the first to tell you he's not the greatest father ever. i mean don't divorces happen every day? is it something to stay bitter about your whole lives? god. their mother is a fucking nutjob and raised them like that.

stupid irish people.

well my dad's finally going to an oncologist tomorrow, a year after he should've. i dunno what to expect. at least it's with a sloane kettering doctor.

these next few months are going to be very dramatic.

AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF I AM BREAKING OUT LIKE A PUBERTY STRUCK 13 YEAR OLD THAT BATHES IN FUCKING PIZZA GREASE. WHY WHY WHY!!! LIKE THE BRACES AREN'T BAD ENOUGH! OR THE WEIGHT I'VE PUT ON! NOW I NEED ZITS TOO RIGHT TO COMPLETE THE GODDAMN PICTURE HUH!

anyone know a good dermatologist? this is ridiculous!

mike's getting grey hairs, and i'm getting pimples. maybe i'll just eventually regress into a 2 year old.

so far what has happened today:

called LIU, told i'm not registered or have financial aid
called my advisor and left a message
called phoenix house, planned parenthood, and inwood house for an internship...no idea if i'll get that
called lehman 4 times. at least. the last time was the best...here's how it went:

lehman: good morning lehman high school
me: hi, guidance office please
(me on hold for 7 minutes)
lehman: (same person) good morning lehman high school
me: uhh, guidance office please?
lehman: ok hold on
(on hold for about 5 minutes)
lehman: who are you on hold for?
me: guidance office
(on hold for another 7-10 minutes)
lehman: good morning lehman high school
me: STILL TRYING TO REACH THE GUIDANCE OFFICE
lehman: ::big sigh:: hold on
(one minute of waiting)
lehman: they're in a meeting call back later ::click::

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK it's like the girl from 50 first dates!!!!!!

so after that i gave up. i guess i'll call back later. i also have to figure out what classes to go to tonight since I DON'T HAVE A SCHEDULE BUT NEED TO GO TO CLASS STILL!!!!

MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES I HATE LIU, I HATE LEHMAN, I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOING THE WAY I PLANNED.

so my plans are:
-get my advisor on the phone and make her register me
-call up fafsa and figure out if i get any money
-call lehman at some point and hopefully get someone with more brain cells
-go to school maybe!!! NOVEL IDEA! god i have like 5 hours to do all this.

=(

so i'm not registered even though i registered, and since i'm not registered i didn't receive financial aid and it might be past the 30 days i had to register to get financial aid. i want to cry. really bad. if i don't get financial aid i cannot go to school period. so i'm not registered, i don't have financial aid, AND i can't find an internship. this is fucking fantastic!!!

Your Inner Gangsta by crash_and_burn
What is yo name?
Yo gangsta name be	Platinum Ringa
You ride around in a	Huffy Sun Catcher (Ride that bicycle, fool)
Yo gang	Tha Vanilla Icers
Yo shoes be	White high-top Air Force 1s
Yo dubs be dis big, fool	323
How much money you got?	$3.4518098513544e+26
How gangsta are you, bitch?: 86%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

that's right!! 86% gangsta bitches! and i got 3 whole billz!! DOLLAR BILLS! sweet.

Which Laguna Beach Girl Are You and Who is Your Laguna Beach Guy? by stateofgrace98
Name
Where would you rather be right now?	The beachA poolShoppingwatching tvhooking up
Whats your favorite phrase from the show?	STEEEEEPHAAAAAAANHook updunzo
Which accessory can you not live without?	Your BoyA hatA Pair of SunglassesEaringsYour Purse
You are
And your Boy is
Quiz created with MemeGen!

hotttt

Who is ur Laguna Beach BFF?[PICS!!] by skeight4evr11
Name
Favorite Hobby
Favorite Color
BFF
Quiz created with MemeGen!

still hottt

my dad has cancer. a 1 centimeter tumor in his lung, 4 cm tumor in his liver, and a tumor in his colon.

i know nothing specifically about cancer or the medical field but i'm assuming this is pretty bad. he says it's treatable. problem is he lost his job a week ago and his medical insurance will cease to exist in thirty days.

he's optimistic which is good.

i feel bad, not only cause we don't have a any sort of relationship, but cause he's had a pretty sad life. i mean it was his own making, but still. it's sad that he doesn't see his other kids or grandkids, lives alone, lived in war torn ireland and saw too much death, etc. it's sad he's never really told anyone, me most importantly, about really anything in his life. i know nothing about him except that he's from ireland. oh and that he has cancer. him telling me about his cancer was the most i've heard from him in....forever i guess.

so i dunno how i feel. sad and angry would be the top two choices. sad cause it's just sad, angry cause he's never tried to be a dad. i want to be optimistic but it's just not working at all.

www.sarahjanedonohue.com

read that story! what a fucked up world.

wild spirits keeps calling me, they want me to pay for more equipment probably....so should i call back....or just pretend i fell off the face of the earth?

POOR VICTORIA GOTTI! MY HEART IS FUCKING BLEEDING FOR HER REALLY. her and her breast cancer and heart problems and miscarriages, FUCK HER. i don't even want to hear about her. i can't believe they gave her and her stupid sons a fucking show none the less! we are talking about a killer's daughter! IS EVERYONE INSANE? do you know how many people her father and brother and whole family have ordered killed if not killed themselves? do you know what heartless pieces of shit they are? i bet her father took away a lot of husbands from their families maybe even mothers too...but we're supposed to pity her stupid ass? and she has the nerve to say she draws her strength from her father who soldiered on in solitary confinement with throat cancer. what is wrong with this country! making crime family, blood money, rich fools into teen hearthrobs ::barf::

oh and then here are some more prizes...so some kids go joyriding while high and drunk and crash into a fucking tree. am i heartbroken? no. how fucking stupid can you be. i feel bad for the parents who might just now be realizing they should've paid more attention to their stupid kids. not to mention the rumor i heard of the driver being the one that killed the swans over by edgewater (by kicking them and then stomping them and slitting their throats....these kind gentle birds that have been there since i could see, that probably thought they were being fed but instead were slaughtered, WHO DOES THIS?). now mind you it's a rumor, but if it's true...GOOD RIDDANCE TO HIM! he deserves whatever happens....not to mention killing the other people in the car with him. however there were 10 others standing there watching him kill those swans....gee wonder if there's a chance these are the same people. NATURAL SELECTION FUCKERS THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! cleansing the earth of you psycho and sociopaths. give all these idiots cars, liquor and weed, close the highway down for a night and let them go to fucking town!

yeah i'm being a dick. but seriously, after having my life flash before my eyes and having my car totaled by a drunk driver almost 4 years ago...i have noooooo remorse for them.

DID I MENTION I HATE THE FUCKING BRONX?

read this:

http://65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.htm